last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
someone owes me an orgasm
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
