then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
