I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
