You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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