Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
