Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
