Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
