I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
