Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
