Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
