I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
