I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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