you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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