for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The ass gains better be worth it
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