I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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