Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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