Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize