dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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