If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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