dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
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and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
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And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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