do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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