I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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