Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
