I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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