I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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