My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
