i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
