every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
