I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
