She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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