What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
