I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
