i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
