oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Is it because I queefed?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
