i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
