Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You're like the curious george of whores
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
