M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize