If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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