please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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