She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
