The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
