im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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