I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
