he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You ruined the universe
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
