He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
