I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
