I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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