Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
