he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
