I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
