Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
