toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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