I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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