Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
