When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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