sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
