This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
it glows. i had to have it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
