Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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