If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
In other news, I just burned my penis
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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