Your dad touched me again.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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