i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
