so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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