Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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