I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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