Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
