My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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