Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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